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HELP!!!!!!

I come from a very small family, so when I got engaged my parents just about had a heart attack when they found out the numbers for my wedding. From my fiance's side there will be approximately 150-200 guests, who are all mainly family. Where do we cross the line without creating tension?? Many of the family members I have never met/talked to before. My parents are thinking of splitting costs and having his family pay for their guests and my family pay for our guests (about 60). I need some advice!! I don't want to create tension between families.
WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?

5 Comments

You and your fiance need to decide what you both want! That is most important. It is about you and him... not how many people you can invite! These days, weddings are not about inviting everyone, including your mailman! People are going to have their feelings hurt, don't stree it... remember you can't make everyone happy! You and your fiance come first!!
I come from a large family, my fiance comes from a very small family... but my dad is paying for everything! (His family can hardly make it through each month... they are so strapped!) But trying to explain that to my dad... was not easy... sooooo..
we got them together, you have to sit down and discuss what you both want... don't leave anyone in the dark... put it right out there! The faster you get the "monies" talked about... the easier it will be! We decided that because his parent could not pay for anything... we would pay for limo, band, flowers, etc.
Don't lose sight of why you are getting married! Besides... you don't want to put yourselves in debt over a wedding!

Good Luck, this is suppose to be fun!

My suggestion: Pick the reception site YOU and you future husband want . . . THEN decide how many you can
have. It's all going to depend on cost/per person and how many the site can hold. If the place you like only
holds 150 people . . . cut your list, and say, "oops, sorry!"

I am almost in the same situation. My family is small and from out of town so it makes the situation even more difficult. I think it depends on how many people you want at your wedding. I started off wanting a small wedding and got my fiance's list down to 85 by cutting second cousins and some friends. It is ok to cut your list. There has to be a cut off point even for family. Stop at the second cousins or even the first cousins and if he has that many people add more friends to your list to bulk it up. Good Luck!

Unless they offer to pay, you need to assume that you are paying for the wedding yourself. I would simply tell your fiance's family that you cannot afford all of their guests and need to make some cuts. If they offer to pay for their extra guests, then you are fine. If you are paying for everything, then you are not obligated to pay for what they want.

Offer to pay for the entire wedding yourselves upfront and if either side of the family wants to help, let them know it would be greatly appreciated. I agree that for reception costs, your side should only pay for the amount that they invite and vice versa. There are going to be a lot of minor costs that add up (photographer, wedding dress, DJ, transportation, cake, etc.) so if each side is willing to help, it might alleviate some stress. Bride side pays for flowers maybe and grooms side can take care of photographer... but you have to let both sides come to you first, you shouldn't ask them outright if they'll pay for this or that. Just make sure everyone is aware that you're in a financial pinch and are willing to accept help wherever it is offered.